Rememberance

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran

Thomas Robert November 19, 1962 - January 21, 2002

In That Moment

by Lisa

In that moment

that moment

when time and space all but stood still

when breath was held

awaiting an inhale from you

that didn't come at all

All my senses were heightened

taking in the sounds of

the room that had been held in

faded distance

until that moment

That moment

when the colors of the room and the sunlight

faded to a dull and dreary pallor

and just as you exhaled

I ceased to be

And slipped just as quietly away

into that space

that space of waiting

in the time between

no longer

and not yet

Today, January 21st, I have been widowed for 6 years. Its hard to fathom that that much time has gone by.

I think on it, dwell on it...

Today my daughter has lived half her life without a daddy. He has missed loose teeth, first communions, our sons' first trumpet performances and our daughter's saxaphone performance. He's missed scout outings and crossovers, puppy love and first girlfriends and while he has missed all the growing they have done, they have missed him just as much.

Tom lighting my birthday candles on my last birthday celebrated with him.

Tom was my best friend, my only lover, my all, my everything and I am forever grateful....

I am grateful to have had such a man in my life and for how much he loved me

I am grateful for his deep love for our children

for his silly sense of humor and

for his serious side

for his understanding of finances

and for his patience when I didn't quite understand them!

for his hugs and his kisses

and his very gentle and caring side.

for his support in my dreams and endeavors

and for his dreams for our future.

for his ability to plan (which can drive a spontaneous person crazy sometimes!)

and for his way of telling it like it is.

for his smile

and for just..... him.

He taught me so much in life and now, I have learned to do so many things on my own I never thought I'd be able to;

keep the house,

pay the mortgage

do simple repairs

paint rooms
fix a toilet,
do yard work,
take out a loan,
hire a contractor

run a lawnmower, snow blower, saws all and chainsaw!

kyak

write poetry

Raise $10,400.00 in his memory for the American Heart Association
and the list goes on and on....

Things to look forward to....

Our children who do small things or have certain expressions that remind me so much of him.

Our oldest graduating from high school next year.

My graduation from graduate school in a year!

Finding someone else in this life to love me as Tom did, someone who can bring joy and happiness into my life, someone who makes me laugh and I know somehow Tom will help me out in this department.... hey he sure helped me out with the cruise contest!

So I sit here with some tears, remembering Tom, and holding onto my truth that he was such a delight to have pass through my life.